I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
