I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize