I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I just sharted jello shots
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
