take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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