I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
