fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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