if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
