I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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