i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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