Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
