so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
