i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just cropdusted the office
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
