I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the condom got lost in my hair
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wear drunk well.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
