I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
