Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize