He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
