If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
