just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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