he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
