Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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