Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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