Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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