i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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