my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize