She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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