Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
