Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
