Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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