soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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