I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
