My hand turned me down
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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