i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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