Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
