Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
