I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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