it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
