she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
