We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
