my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
