Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
