dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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