dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
