My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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