One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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