I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
