As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
