I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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