just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
