Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
