Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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