I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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