Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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