dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
