She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
