He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
