Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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