Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
