you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
