well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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