girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
