Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
