Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
