her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
