I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
