My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize